Talk about "cleaning out your closets"...Wow! I not only cleaned them, I moved them.
I am an older
woman who has never lived alone.
came a time near the middle of December that I knew I needed to end
the cycle of my life as I knew it.
With great trepidation and excitement I started my search for a place for just me! I knew I needed to find a place alone. Not an apartment complex, not a condominium. A separate house. No one else in the building. Being from a small New England town, normally this would not be an easy task. People tend to stay put. We are not movers and shakers. We do not accept change nor do we change. Yet my very first day out searching for a single home (that had to be on the water) I found it! I could not believe my luck! I called the phone number listed on the house and within two days found myself talking to the owner. At first he asked an amount that was beyond my means. I thanked him for his time and consideration but explained that my budget would not stretch that far. We spoke for a few moments longer and he asked what I could afford. I knew it was far below his price, but "what the heck".
He said I should keep that figure in mind and meet him for a walk-through of the house. Did I dare? What if I loved it and it loved me back and I still couldn't afford it? (Oh Oh my fear was showing!)
I arrived early so I could "feel" the place. It was even better than I had hoped. It was right on the water and there were trees everywhere. It was so beautiful, I felt the tears coming to my eyes. As I stood there taking in the landscape, a black squirrel came running down the tree, chattering away. If it felt this good inside, I knew I would be happy and content here. Then the owner arrived. I had thanked the trees, the grass, the bushes, and even the squirrel and was ready to go inside. I was like a kid on Christmas morning. The owner probably thought I was crazy. I just kept smiling. Sure it needed some work, but then what doesn't?
I was home.
My home. Alone home. The owner agreed to let me have it for
the price I quoted him. I wanted to hug him, but realized that would
have sent him running. (Although I wouldn't have had a problem with
it, I think he would have.) Because I have never lived all alone, I
found my fear sneaking out now and then. I started to question myself,
my motives and my ability to do this. What if I failed? What if I was
lonely? What if I hated it? Then what?
Home to Laurie's Adventures with Buddhism