tried to write about only my Dreaming experiences with Rama,
but found it difficult because of the many related subjects that Dreaming
encompasses. I decided to write it as an abbreviated autobiography
of my experiences with Rama over the 10 years I was associated
with him. Since 95% of those experiences were through the art of Dreaming,
I felt it still would give useful information to Dreamers and
I wish you well.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Dreaming, I will try
to explain it in the simplest terms possible. Dreaming is a
way to control the dreams you have while sleeping. Dreaming is
the ability to direct the path your dreams follow, without
having your dreams compose the course as in the way we typically dream.
I consider the term Astral Travel and Dreaming to be
I learned Dreaming from reading the book "Journey to
Ixtlan" by Carlos Castenada in 1974. By mid-1975 I had my
first success with Dreaming. Dreaming was one of three
paths Carloss mentor Don Juan had giving him to follow the Warriors
Path. I decided that I would attempt to learn Dreaming after
I read the book. It was worth a shot, after all I could do this in
my spare time. What else was I to do but dream!
I followed the techniques that Don Juan had described. The first was
to locate your hands while dreaming. After all, if you have
a Dreaming body it must have hands! (not entirely true). Before
I could get to this point however, I had to actually wake up while
in a dream without waking up in the bed I slept in. This type of waking
up is to regain our normal conscience state while still being in a
dream. Once this happens, you can direct a course of action of your
choice. This is what separates the Dreamer from the dream.
I tried to do this first step for over a year with no success. I had
observed in that time that most of my dreams were similar to actions
of my daily life. This made it very difficult to figure out what was
a dream and what was real (actually both are). I even went as far
as periodically looking at my hands during normal awareness as to
build a habit of this that would carry on during my dreams. It didnt
After another 6 months, success! I had the first realization of being
in a dream when the conditions in the dream world around me was not
normal. In the dream, I was trying to escape a rising ocean while
standing at the base of the cliffs at Blacks Beach (located near Ramas
place on La Jolla farms Road). As I continued to climb, the ocean
kept rising. When I was at a height of over a hundred feet above the
beach, the water was still climbing. At this moment I thought "This
is not real" and a dark shadowy figure to my left spoke and told
me "I was Dreaming". Of course I looked at my hands
and the only course of action I wanted to take was to leave the situation
and go somewhere else. And I did. I also lost control of the remaining
dreams of that evening. My fist success was very short and aided by
the shadowy mentor "Antrome" (an enlightened being
from Atlantis), my further experiences in Dreaming were done
entirely on my own. I wouldnt hear of Antrome again until
I meet Rama 5 years later.
The next step in Dreaming after locating your hands in your
dream, was to look at your surroundings. But dont look too long
however. Dreams are very fluid, they change from moment to moment.
If you stare at any one subject too long, it will transform to something
else and the entire dream background will change as well. The way
to do this is to look at your hands briefly and then look at an object
in the surrounding dream. Keep repeating this process until all objects
are recorded into your memory. Remember, staring at your hands for
a long time will also have this fluid effect. Though these dream backgrounds
are amazing to look at, dont get caught staring at them. Youll
be thrown into another dream and most likely will not have the control
you did in the current one.
The third step is to set a course of action to follow during Dreaming.
This is best done in your normal state of awareness prior to Dreaming.
It can also be done while in a conscience state during the dream.
Before I continue with the third step, I should warn you that each
of us has an internal element that is trying to prevent us from achieving
our goal in Dreaming. In my early experiences in trying to
find my hands in dreams, my hands might appear to have fingers which
grew several inches longer or my hands would appear to have been slashed
by a hundred razor blades. All this was to frighten me to stop what
I was doing. All that was necessary to end this was to Will it
to end. This was done by simply saying aloud during the dream "This
is not really happening, Stop it!". My hands returned to normal.
When following the third step in Dreaming, you will encounter
Allies who will try to distract you from your goal. You can
find out more about Allies by reading Carlos Castenadas
books. Simply put, they are inorganic beings which live on our universe
and on earth which are easily visible during dreams. They live off
of the energy we have while in dreams. The Allies choose the
direction of our dreams unless we step in as Dreamers and change
that. The Allies need highly emotional energy which is obtained
from dreams we are in awe of or in nightmares the Allies have
generated for creating fear in us.
For the third step of Dreaming I chose to do things that I
could not do under normal circumstances. Such as walking from the
beach into the ocean until I was several feet under water, then I
would take deep breaths. One of my favorite things to do was to jump
off of cliffs at Torry Pines onto the beach below. After all, If you're
Dreaming you cant die! (not necessarily true). If you
ever had a dream in which you were falling, you wake up in bed before
you hit. I decided I wouldnt wake up and ride it out. The sensation
of free falling during a dream is much like I would imagine it if
I were to skydive. The wind whistling past your ears at 16 feet per
second squared. When I was the equivalent of two body lengths from
the ground the brakes came on. By the time I was stopped I had to
climb out of a funnel shaped crater I created when I landed. The feeling
of that experience and all Dreaming experiences remain with
us for the rest of our lives and a great feeling of power and accomplishment
is present the following day. Another thing I noticed in Dreaming
is that time is different. May days of Dreaming experiences
and knowledge can be gained in only one evening of Dreaming.
By 1978 I was well accomplished as a Dreamer. I continued to
do Dreaming virtually every evening and eventually found I
had lost direction. I had no variation in my dreams. I was a solitary
Dreamer and experienced worlds limited by my own Intent
and those of the Allies who occupied those worlds. I felt
that I could experience no more challenges. Then in late 1980 an intruder
came into my Dreaming world. The intruders name was Dr.
Fredrick Lenz also know as "Atmananda"
I was still very interested in Carlos Castenadas books. I always
wanted to learn more about Don Juans mysterious world. In the
summer of 1975 I attended a class at San Diego Mesa College on "The
Teachings of Don Juan". I attended the first class only because
I felt it had no promise for me. Most of the students were relating
their drug experiences and the teacher appeared to have little direction
in what course the class would take. He even suggested the class final
be a peyote trip to the desert. I guess I could of contributed my
experiences with the datura plants, but I chose not to. Then in late
1980 a local paper was advertising free seminars by Dr. Fredrick
Lenz, half of which were on Carlos Castenadas books. He
was speaking at San Diego State College and at the University of California
in San Diego. I attended all his seminars at both campuses. I was
very impressed by his discussions which lasted about one and a half
hours. The first part was about the advertised subject followed by
a 20 minute meditation and a question & answer sessions afterwards.
I could tell that Atmananda was an enlightened being. In fact
I used his seminars to gain additional power for Dreaming as
I did by visiting local power places. Atmananada was a traveling
power place! Though at his seminars I could only see flickering lights
and sometimes a superimposed face over his, I was not truly Seeing
as described in Castenadas books. My Dreaming and
my life was about to change drastically when I asked my newly wed
wife Sabrina to attend one of Atmanandas seminars.
Sabrina and I attended one of Atmanandas seminars and
after the meditation portion was over the question & answer section
began. My wife was the first to raise her hand and describe what she
Saw. She described Atmananda as floating in the sky
with purple clouds moving swiftly past him and later as a luminous
being of light. Of course my immediate reaction was to look at her
and think, "You gotta be nuts". I was probably more jealous
that she could See in one meeting with Atmananda and I still
havent been able to after all those years of trying. Seeing
is the ability to see the energy of a person or object other then
simply looking at it. Again, you can find out more on Seeing by reading
Castenadas books. Between that seminar and the following one,
Sabrina retained her ability to See as well as to travel into
the past and the future. She also spoke of another teacher who she
claimed I was an incarnation of, this was Antrome. Antrome
became a guide to her even though his presence was still hidden from
me. Now I knew for sure that Atmanandas power was real.
My wife had new abilities and a second teacher came into our lives.
I decided that during the next seminar that I would attempt to do
Astral Projection while Atmananda meditated. There would
be a lot of power in the room and I had a possibility of succeeding
if I tried. Astral Projection is when a Dreamer causes
himself to totally wake up in a new location. This means that the
physical body starts Dreaming in one location but wakes up
in a new location. This is great for saving airfare cost or shortening
that prison term! I started the procedure by meditating with my eyes
open (as Atmananda suggested). I was watching him sitting in
the yoga position on a large table in the front of the hall. I was
in the far back row with my wife. I proceeded as if I were daydreaming.
I wanted to see what the class looked like from Atmananda's position,
so I walked around the table a couple of times and looked back into
the audience where I was sitting. I then was back in my seat thinking
"Damm, it didnt work". After the question and answer
session, Atmananda asked anyone if they had noticed that a
visitor had made a short appearance during the meditation. No one
responded, so Atmananda described the visitor. He described
the visitor as an old indian who lived in this area (Torry Pines)
his name was "Donienan". He described him as walking
around the table a couple of times and looking into the audience and
leaving! Im sure my jaw was hanging down with amazement. As
we left the seminar, Sabrina noticed that the indian was following
us. She observed this through Seeing. The indian spirit showed
up at all the seminars after that, but we still didnt know who
he was. My wife was very scared of him. His identity would soon be
One evening I had heard that a total eclipse of the moon would be
visible that night and the conditions for viewing it were right. So
I sat my lawn chair out in front of the house and brought a six pack
of beer to keep me busy while I watched this one and one half hour
eclipse. My wife came out to see if I was all right several times.
The final time she observed me was at the time of the total eclipse.
She Saw that the indian Donienan and I were the same.
Not only was Donienan an incarnation of me in a previous life
but he was my dominate personality. Now the two invisible playmates
I had as a child were the two visible spirits I learned about through
Atmanandas path crossing mine. These two spirits were
dueling enlightened beings from my past who chose opposing paths.
Antrome whos path is positive like Atmanandas
and Donienans whos path is negative. I have
theorized that I am here in the same environment that Donienan
lived in to re-correct my destiny by following the positive path.
I believe that this is what Karma is all about.
I also attended many of Atmanandas private seminars at
the home he stayed at on La Jolla Farms Road across from UCSD. At
this point I was ready to speak to Atmananda about joining
his group. But my wife issued a warning at Antromes request
not to. I new that Atmanada could read minds because I would
ask only one question during his seminars by thought only and he would
answer it to my satisfaction. As Donienan as my chief personality
I was always feeling deep down that Atmananda was interfering
with my territory in Dreaming and with what is now classified
as new age music. Atmananda would always play Tangerine Dream,
Walter Carlos and Tomita music during the meditations. The people
would ask "What is this great music?", and Id be thinking,
"where have you been. I developed a collection of 6,000 pieces
of this style of recorded music before this Guru even showed up".
I took a lot of pride in my collection at the time. Atmanada knew
this and tried to get me to speak up or to contact his students about
"his collection". Though this doesnt seem that convincing
to most people, it almost worked on me. However, I remembered Antromes
words "Atmananda is an enlightened teacher but he makes
it too easy on this students, your course is different". Soon
afterwards my wife was asked to become a student. She decided to do
so. She also became friends with "Sharon" and "Anne".
The three of them had lived in many past lives together. All three
of them were off and on students with Atmananda, this was because
Sharon was also an enlightened teacher and lead her own group. She
too was an incarnate of an enlightened Atlantian. I will refer to
this group as "The Trio of Dreamers".
Now my Dreaming was changing. I was now Dreaming in
groups, our should I say with other Dreamers. When people Dream
together, its like going to a new place for the first time.
If you dont remember all you saw, your Dreaming companion
can probably fill you in on what you missed. Being married to a Dreamer
helped in this way. My Dreaming was proceeding in a new direction
with Atmananda at my side but I needed to get some parts of
my everyday life in order to do Dreaming effectively. My wife
was advised by Atmananda that I needed to have Donienan
temporarily removed from me because his influence was too great. Atmanada
agreed to keep him jailed up for a while, while my own personality
emerged. I first noticed no difference in the way I thought or acted.
Atmananda said this was due to being Donienan for so
many years that I forgot what it was to be myself. After a while I
did notice that I was less violent and more easy going. I had a lot
more faith in people and trusted them to a point that I shouldnt.
I became very much a new age personality, I meditated a lot and tried
many ways to improve my awareness. I had several unusual experiences
in Dreaming. Once I sleep-walked into the living room from
our bedroom and sat in a yoga position on the sofa. I was in a state
of Dreaming while meditating! Antrome warned me that this was
dangerous to do and I never did it again. On another occasion I woke
up my wife by speaking loudly in a foreign language. It scared her
and Antrome spoke to her telling her that I was speaking of
hunting techniques to a fellow Toltec indian. Again, another one of
my past lives which did not gain enlightenment. I continued to have
many experiences with fellow Dreamers. One more that comes
to mind is when Atmananda who was now known as Rama journeyed
to Cowels mountain along with the "Trio of Dreamers"
though all were there in the physical. I joined them as a Dreamer
along with another Dreamer a musician named Daevid Allen. We
stood at the summit and an Ally was standing in the sky pulling
apart a portion of the sky as if it were a curtain. Behind this curtain
was another world. The ally told me that if I entered the world
I would have all I ever desired. The only drawback was that I could
not return to this world. My intent was to place one foot into the
new world and observe it for as long as I could and step back out.
But as I was about to do so my wife tried to stop the Ally from
enticing me into that place. The Ally hurled her to the ground
and caused her a lot of minor wounds and pain. If Rama didnt
help her I fear she might of died. She returned to our house the following
morning all bruised up. She tended to suffer a lot as a result of
Dreams. On another occasion we were going to visit Donienans
cave in Torry Pines the following day. That night she traveled the
route I described to her while Dreaming. She said she had the
sensation that the ground was hot and burning her feet. She ended
her journey. The next morning she had blisters on the heels of both
feet. Some people have after-effects from Dreaming. It can
be as dangerous as everyday life. Nearly two years have passed since
Rama removed Donienan from me. He was to have returned
earlier but I asked that he be kept away longer because I was not
strong enough to resist him on my own. I had no idea of what it would
be like when he returned but I new it would be unforgettable.
I was doing well as far as self control. I generally drank too much
but I stopped for two months prior to attending a concert with a friend.
We were going to see The Tubes (without Fee Waybill) at a local venue
walking distance from my house. My Friend Mike G. and I left for the
show. I recorded the concert as usual with a portable Sony Walkman.
We drank several beers and enjoyed the show. After the show, we stopped
to get a quart of beer for the walk home. We almost made it. A group
of three men approached us in our path, the biggest one grabbed both
of us by our collars. One in each arm! "Im gonna fight
one of yeu, well which one?". My friend and I said nothing. The
fist came straight in my face. I dont like to fight and I prefer
to avoid it, but that pissed me off. I threw my drink and my coat
into the gutter and we brawled out in the street only 100 feet from
were I lived. The other two men took care of my friend so he couldnt
assist. He did however play an important part. He spoke the words
that caused Donienan to return. I was exhausted and standing
for a moment. I was changing my thoughts to something else temporarily
(a warrior strategy I learned from Castenadas books) . My friend
said he was coming at me with a broken bottle! My thoughts at that
moment were "Now Im Gonna Die". This was the moment
Donienan returned. Most of what followed I had no immediate
memory of for a couple of days. What I remembered with the aid of
my friends memory of the battle was, I kicked the bottle out
of his hand and the force also knocked him backwards. I then went
to my jacket and grabbed the all metal Walkman out of the pocket.
I used it as a hammer until my opponent was no longer moving. His
two friends said "He had enough" and insisted I fight no
longer. My friend and I left arm-in-arm as did the group of three.
The conditions needed to be correct for Donienans return.
A large part of myself was missing and had now returned. Donienan
was no longer a personal enemy but a friend. I thank Rama
for the time off, it helped me become strong. It can be difficult
growing up with a past life who is stronger then the current incarnation.
Rama allowed me to catch up.
My continuing journeys with Rama in Dreaming were with
groups of about 8 Dreamers. The members varied but consisted
of a core which included the Trio of Dreamers and myself. There
were other steady visitors including reverend Chris Butler "Jagat
Guru" from Oahu and Carlos Castenada the author. The journeys
were mostly traveling across terrain which appeared normal except
upon close examination in was totally different. I would drive them
nuts. Remember, one of the first rules in Dreaming is not to
look at anything to long: Especially if what youre looking at
is an Ally! Rama was amazed that I had this knack of locating
all the Allies in the area. He said I was wasting my time because
the only Ally worth getting is a powerful one. He was right
so I ignored them. After about 17 Allies I gave up counting.
Its the important ones I look forward to now. The Allies
can be a great aid in Dreaming. Not only can you be transported
to places that would be harder to get to through normal Dreaming
,but they can be transformed by the Dreamer into objects which
are useful in Dreaming. On one occasion I was in the mist of
a battle with an Ally to gain his power and I heard my 3 year
old son crying in his room. I asked the Ally to wait a moment
during the battle while I attended my son and it agreed. I returned
within two minutes, hit the pillow face down and the battle continued.
Rama said he had never seen anyone make an Ally wait
before. The battle with the Allies is discussed in Castenadas
books. My experiences were not much different. I have lost more battles
then I have won. If youre lucky you wont wake up with
a physical injury. Most Dreamers dont want to bother with
them, after all its not a requirement. I just enjoy the challenge
and the additional power they provide.
Its been about 5 years now that Ive been Dreaming with
Rama and the Trio of Dreamers. One of the occasional
visitors intrigued me. Not only because he was a famous musician but
because he was a better Dreamer than me, and perceived the
Dreaming world in the same fashion that I did. This was the
Dreamer Todd Rundgren. Todd likes to hang out in a Dream world
which looks like something out of J. R. Tolkins "The Hobbit"
and to enter it you need to step through this full size antique mirror
(Alice?). Todd would try to make me go through the mirror. Hed
jump through in both directions like "No Sweat". I finally
made an attempt by passing my arm through this mirror. My arm changed
in appearance as it passed the plane of the mirror. It became more
cartoon like. This world alters the appearance of the Dreaming
body. Eventually I got the courage to enter. Did you know that an
Ally can be turned into a Dragon? Theyre fun to fly and
what an appropriate world to fly in! I met many other Dreamers
there. On one occasion I decided that I wasnt going to leave.
The Trio of Dreamers couldnt persuade me to leave and
Rama also showed up. Between them all they told me that if
I stayed beyond a certain time my physical body would die. They convinced
me that my son would have no father if I stayed. I decided to leave.
I soon left Todds Dream world and took a Dreamer with
me who wanted the challenge of the Allies. Rama still
made occasional appearances in the world I was traveling but I seldom
visited him. That was until I needed him. Sharon from the Trio of
Dreamers had created the real cool flying saucer out
of the Allies she had acquired. I tried to do the same with
my new Dreaming companion but couldnt find an Ally
that was strong enough to finish it. It now sits in some astral
warehouse. I did however get to fly Sharons. This occurred because
I was getting fed up with the way the Trio of Dreamers
had been abusing me. Forcing me to do things I didnt want to
with the joint use of their Dreaming powers. I decided that
I was going to see Rama and have him put a stop to it. I hijacked
Sharons saucer. She boarded behind me and sat in the back till
I arrived. Rama was on an alien planet with a circular high-rise
like the Capitol Records building in L.A. but taller or even "The
Jetsons" in architecture. The lower 100 feet was open and only
supported by 4 structural supports. I landed the ship below the building
and found Rama within. After that, no problems.
Ramas power has the ability to bring out the good and
evil within people. It was that way with me and for my wife. In the
end she didnt have the strength to overcome her dominate personality.
She was booted from the group for being too violent. She told me once
that she punched Carlos Castenada in the mouth while at Ramas
house in Malibu. One of the last things Rama had told her to
say to me was "That I have Mastered Dreaming, but I have
been ignoring "Stalking" (another of the Warriors
three paths)". Stalking as used here doesnt mean the
criminal activity but the ability to get the most out of an impossible
situation. Its dealing with Petty Tyrants" (see
Castenadas books). In early 1990 I lost my job, I got a divorce
and my car died all within 3 weeks. My training as a Stalker was
about to begin.
In these years of Dreaming I observed that the Dreaming
body has a personality which differs from us slightly. Its core
is our own personality and the habits we practice in our daily lives
is the stability of our Dreaming personality. But what makes
it different is that it is more knowledgeable because the memory is
greater. The Dreaming body experiences time at a greater rate
than we do in our normal state of awareness. Therefore its knowledge
is greater. Memory is the key! Ive learned that memory is stored
in various levels of conscienceness. The realizations a person experiences
on a hallucinogen but forgets the following day, the Dream
I just cant remember or the past life memory. All these memories
are stored permanently in another state of conscienceness. Meditation
and Dreaming will expand your conscienceness and your memory
including the past you forgot will return. Dont worry if you
cant remember your Dreams when you awaken in the morning.
In every Dream clues are being made. Clues you will notice
that following day. These clues are to help you remember this Dream
you forgot. I remember most of my Dreaming when I awake, and
enjoy seeing the clues that day which were there to remind me in case
I forgot. There is knowledge in all philosophies and religions. They
are all worth exploring. Since most of these writers are in a high
state of conscienceness when they wrote their pieces, the reader should
also be in a similar state to understand it properly. Be persistent,
it will pay off. After all, Dreaming can be done in your spare
time, what else are you going to do dream or Dream?
Carlos always had poetry in his books. Im not a big fan of poetry
but I do like Rock music lyrics. The following verses are taken from
a song by The Soft Machine from 1967. It refers to our Mask (our normal
awareness) and the fact we are Sleeping (unaware of the chaotic universe
the Mask protects us from). The song is called "Why are we Sleeping?":
It begins with a blessing
But ends with a curse
Making life easy
But making it worse
My mask is my master
The trumpeter weeps
But his voice is so weak
As he speaks from his sleep
Why Why Why are we sleeping?
Once I awakened my eyes filled with tears
I had been sleeping for thousands of years
Dreaming a life full of problems an sadness
Endlessly turning in spirals of madness
Where the wind goes
Thats where it all goes
It follows the song
Like its a dream
Why Why Why are we sleeping?
By Kevin Ayers